iNJAPAN

The link below is a link to a video which is part of a package called “Tokyo Stories” done by the Washington Post.
All of the stories in the Tokyo Stories are good, but the one below called “Learning to Say ‘I Love You’” is really interesting and funny and shows a unique part of the Japanese culture.
I really wish I could just embed it, but WordPress doesn’t support the embed tag, and I don’t have a webhost to install plugins, so a link will have to do for now. I know, I hate clicking on outside links myself, but this one you won’t regret. It’s pretty hilarious.

>>Click to watch “Learning to Say ‘I Love You’”

The story is about an organization called “National Chauvanistic Husbands Association,” which is an organization that teaches men how to deal with their wives and avoid getting divorced.

The very idea of the organization is kind of funny, and what they do at their meetings is even funnier.
I think the best part is where they chant in unison,
“I can’t win. I won’t win. I don’t want to win.”

Haha. That’s girl power in work, right there.

I also understood their view though, when one of the guys said that saying “I love you” is a serious thing in Japan, and it is really hard to say it. When I watched this video with some other American friends, they seemed confused about that statement. However, as a Korean, we’re also kind of like that so I understood.

Like, in the U.S., everybody says ‘I love you’ to anybody. When a total stranger comes up to you and gives you some help or something, you shout out “Oh my god, I love you. You just saved my life.” Or something like that. It may not mean that you really love that person, but it’s just an expression that is okay to use. In Korea, or Japan, if you say “I love you” to a stranger that helped you, you are immediately treated like a psycho stalker. Even to friends, you rarely say that you love them, unless it’s like in a serious letter and your friend is dying or something. And for guys it’s even worse. In the U.S. it’s okay for a guy to talk about his friend and say, “man, I love that dude. He’s my boy.” But in Asia, it’s a big huge No-No. I’ve never heard a guy saying that he loves his friends.

I guess it’s because of the whole, ‘you’re not supposed to show your emotions’ thing in Asia. You’re trained so much to hide your feelings and always be super polite and considerate that you get used to masking your true feelings. You have to think, and re-think, every word you say before you actually say it. It’s totally the opposite in the U.S. where being honest and showing your true emotions is really important. I think that’s why Asian people are considered as ’shy’ or ‘mysterious.’

For me, the whole issue of learning to communicate better in a relationship comes closer to heart since I am a Korean girl dating an American guy. Apparently, Asian women are better at communicating than Asian guys are, but compared to American guys, they’re still pretty horrible. Or maybe it’s just me. But in any case, I drive my boyfriend crazy, and he drives me crazy. I think he is rude for expressing every thought he has, even though they may be offensive to me, and he thinks I am rude for not saying what I think.

BF: Is it okay if I leave you alone here while I go talk to my friend for a while?
Me: Okay:)
….BF leaves and then comes back. I’m visibly upset.
BF: What the fu**?? You said it was okay with you.
Me: Well.. It was nice and polite of me to say that I was okay with it. You should’ve been nice and polite in return, and considered that I might not be okay. Then you should’ve decided on your own to not do it. Better yet, you should not have suggested it in the first place.
BF: *&#*$&#$^*#&@$^^$&^!!!!!!!!!

Conversations like this usually end with him saying,
“God, you make me want to drink.”

I’ll already be drinking, without saying a word.